On the 27th, I will hit my 6 month mark of having left Canada.
I have done things my way. I chose to pack my things and come to Brazil.
I went to Itajai, SC to live with a friend to make my documents. I tried teaching and living in a small town. Not only was his company miserable, I was bored to death in that town.
I came back to Rio and began to look for apartments again. I got extremely lucky in finding Sheila and her place in LAPA. My room, although is not the biggest, it is aweomse and in a relatively safe place. Our apartment is clean and it always welcomes guests. I love the trust I have with her and the friendship we have of mutual respect. She is by far, the best room mate I have ever lived with.
She's a Firefighter and I have enormous amounts of respect for her in the career path she chose. She lives with integrity and has an amazing vibe.
I love living in this city. Even though I often wished things would be different and easier, I accept that it wont be. I have learned to navigate it and now through my job (as a receptionist at a hostel), I help others enjoy it too.
I have learned ALOT about dealing with people.
My friend from Itajai, my family pushing me in different directions, when trying to find a place to live, when finding a job, at my job (the tourists, national or international), the envinronmental minister, the Light company's CEO, other colleagues, the ladies where we eat at in Manguinhos... etc... many people!
About myself.
I still don't have discipline. I still run and give in, into my anxiety and doubt. I'm still insecure. I'm still angry at alot of things I haven't done. I still can't decide where to go. One day I look into studying Tourism, the next I want to pursue Environment studies, the next I want to do Public Relations... I'm constantly shifting my goals. It's not that I don't want to do anything, I just don't know what to do. I don't want to start something that won't give a concise end.
There are sooooo many things I should've done. There's so many things I want to do.
Majority of the time I doubt my dedication and often realize it's just desire out of impulse or desperation. I don't necessarily doubt my ability.
The heat.
I have to discuss the heat, because it's been a huge factor in my life. I have realized I am not comfortable in the heat. It gets too hot. I feel tired in the middle of the day. My body wants to shut down. I'm in a constant battle with myself in order to function. I sweat 24/7. I'm sticky and stinky. It's impossible to hold down a serious job, because that would require me to wear PANTS. It's impossible, I feel too uncomfortable and anxious.
My flavor palete is turning dull. In Brazil the only condiments are: onion, garlic, salt, pepper and spicy pepper sauce. This becomes incredibly dull. Even if I do try to make my own recipes as I did at home in Montreal, my dishes don't turn out the same. Given the terreau of all the ingredients I get, the flavour comes out entirely different. I miss flavours... I also miss crap like poutine, smoked meat sandwich, thai express, even WENDYs!!! I miss the PC brand sauces for meat too!! I miss peanut butter and multigrain bread... hehehe.. or CEREAL...
These are clearly things I'm living without and I'm doing alright... but I still miss it. I also miss having a microwave & a toaster.
I'm thankful I came alone to Brazil and I have gone through all I did. I am proud of myself. I'm happy about all the bonds I have made and will continuously make. I'm happy to be living here. I love this city!
I am having a fun time in my continuous search for... ways to evolve!
I live in Rio de Janeiro!
